18.
A dear friend of mine should be celebrating his 18th birthday tomorrow. Instead he is in heaven rocking the Party of Eternity with his heavenly and earthly father(s). Jonathan started out as a student of mine at RHUMC and somewhere over the course of the next two and half years he became one of my closest friends. There was something special about Jonathan, a spiritual wherewithal that was hard not to admire, the kindest heart one could ever have, an incredible sense of humor and a loyalty that would put a golden retriever to shame.
When I left RHUMC we kept in touch and hung out often. Jonathan and I had this awesome master plan where he was going to be my intern at whatever church I was working at while he was in college. When I got my current job at FUMC Mansfield, a church that is blessed with the resources for something like this, we got way excited because now we knew it was something that could actually happen!
This is something I really looked forward to. I would get to have my close friend and good buddy hanging up here with me and my students and teaching them how to be as awesome as he was.
When Jonathan’s battle with Leukemia ended 2 months ago, I thought a lot about his family, our friends, and myself but I thought the most about all the people who got robbed of ever getting to know the awesomeness that Jonathan Baggett was. I thought about my students who could have learned so much from him, and of his future parishioners he’d never get to pastor to, and it made me sad… really, really sad.
Until one day a few weeks ago. This was shortly after Jonathan passed away and I was preaching a series to my middle schoolers entitled “The Songs We Sing”. This particular week the song was “Everything Glorious,” in which I challenged the students to find glory in everything… themselves, others, and God. After my message the students broke out into small groups and I asked them in which entity do they struggle the most to see as being “Glorious”. I walked around and listened in on the groups and most of the students struggled with seeing glory in others and themselves, actually only one student said God. This piqued my interest so I asked him some more questions:
Matt: “God, I struggle to see God as glorious”
Me: “Really, why is that?”
Matt: “I just don’t get why so much bad happens, if God is glorious”
Me: “I know, it’s really tough to understand”
Matt: “You know, that Jonathan kid died…. he was only 17! That doesn’t seem fair.”
Me: “You’re right, it’s not fair.”
Matt: “I mean I know that God has a plan and stuff I just don’t get it.”
Matt was pretty confused and our time was limited so the conversation ended there and we talked later that night. But it has taken me several weeks now to process what happened in those moments. Matt does not know Jonathan at all, he never got to hang out with him, or kick a soccer ball with him, they never made up silly raps together, he never got annoyed by Jonathan’s incessant drumming on everything, and yet still Jonathan has made an impact on him. Matt is only in 7th grade and he is already thinking about “God things” in ways that he never has before. He is searching and growing deeper in his faith because of Jonathan!!!! Without ever stepping foot into this program in any kind of official status Jonathan has impacted it. That is it, that is the part that Jonathan has always, and continues to do so well.
Jonathan’s death is something I will never understand, and my student Matt is right it’s not fair. But Jonathan lived a life, a wonderful life long before he ever died a tragic death. That is what I have to remember, I think that’s the way Jonathan would want it.
My final thoughts can be summed up perfectly by my Jonathan himself: “Simply, change happens. its inevitable that change happens, we should not dwell on how life is going to be so different with these changes, but instead look ahead and see what benefits these changes have. While this concept is hard to grasp as well, it something to strive for.”
I love you buddy.
Pyaar and Agape.
“In just 7 days, I can make you a man”
Matt and I went to lunch this afternoon at this little Italian place next our house, called Nino’s. Our food was amazing, the service was great, the prices were good, and we have tons of leftovers. The only odd thing about our experience was that we were the only people in the entire restaurant. 1:00pm on a Saturday and we were the only people there! As we sat and enjoyed our Sicilian Deep Dish pizza, we started talking about how sad it was that little places like this don’t get the love they deserve. I wonder what Olive Garden looks like at 1:00p on a Saturday?
We started talking about making an effort to buy more locally. This talk turned into a challenge, and a challenge was extended and accepted that for the next 7 days we only buy locally.
So that’s what we’re doing. It’ll be interesting to see what happens. I figured I would blog a little about the before, and definitely the after.
We talked about chain restaurants (local ones, such as No Frills are okay, corporate franchises, such as Red, Hot and Blue are not), we talked about having to find new places to eat, and finding specialty shops for our groceries. We also talked about gas, and since there is no way to buy local gas I had to do a little research. I found many articles about the whole gas issue and read some good stuff about all the awesome “greening” things that BP is doing (but I can’t find a location near us) and all the terrible things that Exxon/Mobil does and we decided that QT was okay. It is cheap, American based, and quite honestly it is convenient. Gas is one of those necessary evils…. and our dependence on gas is a whole ‘nother issue.
It’ll be an interesting week! I can’t wait to let you know how it goes!
Pyaar and Agape.
p.s. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to get saline solution and body wash (both of which we are going to run out of this week) without without going to Wal-Mart. Any suggestions?
p.p.s. I think its kinda funny that when I go to spell check this post that I have just written here on wordpress.com, the spellchecker wants to tell me that blog is not a word, and that i have misspelled it.
61 Days… “Stupid You”
There are 61 days every 4 years that I hate. And right now we are in the beginning stages those 61 days… the days between now and the presidential election. My problem is not that I don’t enjoy the speeches, or the campaign process, the policies, and the debates… heck, even the party conventions can be fun… my problem is the “Stupid You’s” out there.
You know what I am talking about… the ones with the Facebook status that says “if you are unemployed, don’t have a home, have no investments, or your family doesn’t like you enough to put you in a will, Obama is perfect for you IDIOT”*. To the 17 year old “stupid you’s” who post myspace bulletins with racist, sexist, comments about the candidates that they have simply forwarded on from a friend of a friend of a very misinformed original source. Its the “stupid you” fights that I get into with my family because I either a) don’t agree with them or b) am being condescending with my silence when I choose to abstain from the one sided arguments we get into. It’s the “stupid you” conversations you overhear at the bar, the one where the guy next to you is convincing his friend that Obama is in fact the anti Christ.. “you know like in those Left Behind books”#. The “stupid you” media, the ones who interrupt, manipulate, misinterpret and misunderstand everything to make it further their own selfish agendas.
Arghhh.. it is so frustrating.
To all the “stupid you’s” out there… PLEASE SHUT UP! I am trying to figure out all the facts in the midst of your bull so that I can actually make an informed decision in 61 days.
Pyaar and Agape,
Mel
* Actual Facebook Status.
# Actual conversation I overheard.
Giving into something heavenly…
For many of you this is just a typical Wednesday morning, for me it marks 2 weeks exactly since my life was turned upside down.
Thoughts running through Mel’s mind..Wednesday Aug.13, 2008..8:58 am: “Just got back from an awesome mystery trip with my students, man I love hanging out with those guys. I am excited about this next year of my ministry I have come with an awesome concept and written several weeks of curriculum for our Wednesday night crossover bible study. I can’t wait to see the logo Justin comes up with.. they are gonna be so excited when they find out that we are getting awesome shirts. I am a little nervous about school this year 12 hours is a lot of classes for me, but at least I will be doing my supervised ministry and I will finally graduate in May of 09! I am so excited. I am a little nervous about this meeting with the SPRC chair and Howard [Senior Pastor].. there’s no way its anything too bad though… I’ve never had any sort of disciplinary meeting or even a critique session. I am sure I am just overstressing the situation… man I really should have eaten something before this meeting.”
Thoughts running through Mel’s mind..Wednesday Aug. 13, 2008..9:21 am: “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that just happened… what am I gonna do… what am I gonna tell my students…. this isn’t fair. Effective immediately????? ‘We need you to resign effective IMMEDIATELY????’ What do I do that is so bad, that I have to run away in the middle of the day.. there’s no way that my ‘lack of connection with the church as a whole’ is the only reason. How can they tell me that they know that I have a solid relationship with my students and their families, but that the rest of the church doesn’t know me? How is this enough to get rid of me after 15 months! This doesn’t make sense!!!! Oh my gosh what am I gonna do about supervised ministry…. I’m not gonna graduate this year? How do I tell the students about this, I don’t wanna cut ties with them. God , what is going on!?!?!?!?!”
It’s weird to think how much our lives can change in the matter of minutes. For the most part, the rest of that day was terrible, I had to tell all of my students that I was leaving for reasons I didn’t understand, I had to call all my family and close friends and try to explain it to them, I had to come to grips with the fact that I was not going to be able to graduate this year, and I had to cry… alot! However in the midst of all the crap, I knew that God was still there. God was in the ”Hey, I was just thinking about you” call from one of my best friends, five minutes after my meeting. God was in the 15 minutes that I got to be with my husband and in the promise that it was gonna be okay. God was in the friend who let me sit in his office and cry, who skipped out on a staff lunch to hang with me and help me process. God was in the Sanctus Real song “Whatever you’re doing” that I heard as I was waiting to meet my students at Sonic. God was in the encouraging phone calls and the disbelief from my friends and family. God was in the friends who dropped everything to hang out and “reflect” on the experiences with me. God was there.
The Sanctus Real song I mentioned above is pretty much a daily mantra for me. I am not a person who usually blogs song lyrics, but this song is more than just some song I like. This song has become my hope, my constant reminder to listen to God through this and to remember that I cannot always understand what God has in store for me.
“Whatever you’re doing” – Sanctus Real
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something Heavenly
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender…
To…
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
So where am I now?
Fortunately I have been able to spend the last two weeks thinking about what God is actually calling me to do. I realize that I am called into specialized ministry… more specifically, youth in missions, Junior High Students, or Worship. These are areas that I am passionate about, these are places that I excel and that I can truly feel God working in me when I am a part of them. I realized long ago that I am not called to be a Sunday Morning Pulpit Preacher, Senior Pastor of a church is not my call…. but I did know that youth is where I wanted to be. Now 4 years later I am realizing something about my calling again. I am not cut out to be the Director, the number 1. I want to focus my energies on one specific area, group, milieu, tradition, experience… etc. And at this point, I am not naive enough to tell you that 4 years from now I won’t have another amazing revelation.
Accepting this realization puts me in another tumultuous spot, there are no ministry opportunities that fit those criteria at present time. And because I am still in school I am restricted to a 120 mile radius of Fort Worth. So when I finish this rather lengthy blog I will suck up my pride, and apply for a job to pay the bills…. probably Target, or Lowe’s, or maybe I’ll answer the posting I saw for “Bakery seeks Counter Help.” But I will find another, I will finish my classes and I will continue to pray that God prepares opportunities and experiences for me to be the Pastor I am called to be.
Pyaar and Agape*
-Mel**
*Pyaar and Agape, is an email sign off that my friends, Loni, Rishad and myself coined. Agape is the Christian kind of love, that calls you to love everyone friend or foe, and Pyaar is the Hindi word for love. I really like pairing the two together because it makes me think of a global kind of agape… and it reminds me of Rishad and Loni. :)
**If you are still reading this… Thank you!
Where have you been friend?
Several people have been giving me a hard time about the length of time since my last blog. I am not sure why I haven’t written lately, i have done plenty of thinking. Here a few of the things that have been on my mind lately, a bit of a scatter shoot if you will.
Experiencers:
A few months ago I had drinks with the ex of one of my closest guy friends. At the time the break up was very new and both parties were just trying to figure out what had happened, why, and what they wanted to happen in the future. In chatting with this friend she brought up to me the concept of “experiencers”. I was a little confused having never heard this term before, but she went on to explain that in her life there were many people who had come through, made an impression, and then were gone. While this seems like an obvious and almost “duh” like statement I had never given any thought to it. When I look closely at my life I see 3 huge “experiencer” friends. My relationship with these people ended in three different ways, abruptly, slowly with the cold shoulder ignore, and VERY slowly with a slow but steady drift over the last 4 years. All of these were people that have helped make me the person I am today, I could not have gotten through many issues without these three people (independently, and even sometimes as a team) but when i think about the end times with them I am usually deeply saddened, and at times even angered. Instead of thinking of them as “experiencers” I have been thinking of them as “users”, people who used me up and then got rid of me when they were done. By thinking of them as “experiencers” I am accepting that we both gave and gained in our relationship and then it ended because our lives changed and we moved on. It has been 4 years since these were my go to people, and I have made many new friends, gotten married, and even carried on friendships with people who were there before them. My life is good, and so is theirs.
So to all my great “experiencers”, those i have known and lost, and those that are yet to come, Thank you!
Mission Trip
I always struggle with trying to sort out my feelings post CTCYM. My experience (as a leadership team member) is always different than that of a participant. I want to come back with a new group of friends, a renewed vigor for the amazing race, a sunburn, and an awesome story to tell. Very rarely do I achieve any of these goals. It’s tough but the thing that I have to remember is that as a leadership team person, in this case Co-Program with Patrick, my job is to facilitate those experiences for everyone else on the trip. As Co-Program, Patrick and I are in charge of the fun and spiritual side of things. We executed our jobs well this week, Lunch Devo’s were actually used, our evening activities were fun and focused on team building, and worship was incredible. So why do I have this pit in my stomach?
Blackberry Blunders and Bug Bites
So in the last three days I have doubled the amount of swim time that I had all of last summer! While this awesome it is apparent that it has been so long since I have done this that I have been making a few rookie mistakes.
Rookie Mistake #1: On Sunday at my youth pool party I was wearing swim trunks with my tankini top (i feel like i can be more active this way). As I come out of the bathroom all of the students are already in the pool, so I drop my towel and keys and walk into the shallow end to join the fun. I take my time to enter slowly to adjust to the water temp and continue my conversation with those outside the pool. After 5 minutes of wade time I feel something bumping my leg, at this point I reach into my pocket and pull out……. my BLACKBERRY! Needless to say my phone did not endure the royal drowning I gave it, so its back to my old phone until i can get a new one. Hmph!
Rookie Mistake # 2 (this one might not be all swim related, just outside)
Tuesday evening I am at 2026 taking a dip in the pool, and i got out of the pool to go inside to use the restroom. As I am drying off and looking to head into the house I step through the grass and then stop because I am trying to continue a conversation with the people in the pool, and after a few moments my feet begin to feel like they are on fire! Well they were…. kinda, they were covered in Fire Ants!
So now I have no cool phone and my feet and legs are covered with ant bites! But alas I still love me summer time!
Be safe and if you are still reading thanks for sticking around for the scatter shoot.
Pyaar and Agape!
I heart David Crowder, but I worship the Lord*
Several Sundays ago I took a handful of my students down to Waco. We went down there and worshipped at Church Under The Bridge, heard Shane Claiborne speak and then after lunch we went to Woodway UMC for a Q&A with Shane Claiborne. It was a really cool day. Church Under The Bridge is this really cool church that was started under Hwy 35 in Waco. The church was started as a way to minister to the homeless. While the homeless population is still in attendance the worshippers also cover the span from Baylor students to bored pew sitters and even just the occasional spectator. The music was lively and Shane’s message was neat. My divine revelation came after worship.
After worship, we had about 20 minutes to stand around and people watch while we waited for the masses to leave… my makeshift parking spot had left my truck surrounded by a whole lot of vehicles that weren’t going anywhere! As we waited I saw a group of seven high school girls surrounding Shane Claiborne, clamoring for an autograph. At the same time one of my students received a text message from his sister stating that David Crowder has just walked into the restaurant where she was lunching. All of my students… and okay me too… wanted to find out what restaurant they were at so maybe we could get a glimpse too. We did not go there, we wound up going to Wendy’s but I spent the rest of the day thinking about what had just transpired.
My first instict was wow, that’s cool. These students are getting excited about autographs from a radical theologan and catching a glimpse of a talented worship leader. But then I started thinking, really is this cool? Is this what it is all about? Have we built them up too much? Aren’t they just tools of their master, how do I remind my students of this? Have we made David Crowder into a golden calf?
It has been almost six weeks since that day and I am still thinking. So I am bringing it here to you, what do you think?
Is it cool that these students are getting autographs from pastors, and celebrity sightings from worship leaders? Or is it not?
Pyaar and Agape – Mel
* I stole this from Abby Flookes, she wanted to make shirts up with this slogan on it after attending a david crowder concert.
I love the Givin’
The title of my post may seem a bit premature since the Givin’ is still 8 months away, but if you keep reading I will give you a peak into the way my crazy mind works.
Yesterday was opening day.
It was fun, but not as much fun as last year.
A lot of stuff is like that.
Like you have fun and you try to repeat it, make it a tradition, and the second time just kinda falls short.
Like Easter some years its great, some years it’s not.
Like this year the family Easter celebration was ehhh…
Now the friend Easter celebration / limitless possibilities was awesome
Ooo, the Givin’ is not like that.
Every year trumps the year before, that’s pretty awesome
So yea, I love the Givin’
There you have it, welcome to crazy town.
Pyaar and Agape – Mel
Little Miss Uninvolved
This morning I got to school way early because I had a presentation due this evening. I sat in the same chair in Weatherly hall for about 6 hours. As I watched all these strangers come and go through Weatherly I realized something that I hadn’t given much thought to before….. If Brite gave an award for least involved student I would totally win it. Here are a few of the reasons why I deserve this prestigious award:
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I have been at Brite since August of 2004 (with a 3 semester sabbatical) and in that time:
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I have only befriended a handful of my fellow classmates.
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There is 1 former professor who still knows my name.
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I have attended chapel of my own volition 1 time.
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I have done no extra curricular that were not require by class.
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I have been to Leibrock village one time for a study group.
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I don’t even have a portrait on the photo wall.
One of those few classmate/friends I have picked up at Brite came and sat down at my table today and we began talking about this thing event coming up at Brite. She is one of the top dogs around here, and she is always inviting me to stuff and asking me why I am not more involved. I wanted to pawn it off on me being busy, but this is a woman who takes a full load, serves a two point charge in little podunk town, and serves on 10,000 Brite councils and stuff….. so I couldn’t very well pull that one. Basically I didn’t really give her much of an answer and she left for her class, but after she left I began thinking (dangerous, I know) and I think I have an answer for her.
I come to Brite to get away. Brite is my retreat, as much as I crib about writing papers, and keeping up with the readings, each time I step into a class here I am spending that time thinking theologically and working towards a better understanding of me. I don’t want to involve myself in the other stuff, because I have all of the other stuff in my life elsewhere. I am here to learn how to be the best pastor I can be .
Pyaar and Agape
Limitless Possibilities
So yesterday was limitless possibilites Monday for Tett, The Judge, Patrick and myself. I am not gonna go into much detail because I know tett is going to later, and his blog will have pictures and big words, and all the grammar will be correct, so you should just read his. However I did want to say how awesome the day was. It made me think a lot about where my life is right now.
And where is my life, let’s see: I am married, I am 2 semesters away from my masters degree, I am probably 2 years away from my ordination, I am still working part time, I make just about enough money to get by, I am toting around a little more debt than I would like to, I have a great family, and I have some of the most awesome friends in the whole stinking world. And for the first time in my life I have realized that this is enough. I have huge dreams for the future, raising a family, paying off all my school and personal debts, buying a house, starting a ministry, becoming ordained… and when I achieve these things it will all be awesome. But I guarantee you even when I have two little rugrats, am debt free, own a house, am doing what I love, and ordained as a reverend I will be able to sit down and make another list of dreams for the future. This is awesome, this is what we are all about. That’s why yesterday was so eye opening for me, I love where I am now. I have forgotten about today so many times in thinking about tomorrow, like with the whole wedding thing, I was doing so much to work up to the big day that I didn’t take the time to enjoy the huge amounts of quality time I got to spend with my mom, or the love that was all over the place from friends, family, and even some strangers. We are a people who are goal driven, we are always working towards tomorrow and that’s awesome but sometimes I think we spend so much time looking forward that we don’t take the time to look at today. (Yuck I am beginning to realize how cliche this all sounds….)
I guess all this rambling is just to say look at today too …the possibilities are limitless.
Pyaar and Agape – Mel
Honeymoon Hello
Hello to all! We are almost done with honeymoon and Matt and I wanted to take a minute and fill you guys in on a little of our trip. Since our time is limited, because we are going to dinner with Carly and Scotty (woo hoo!!!), we decided to post a High/Low for each day so far. We are having a great time but definitely missing all of our buddies back home. We get back Saturday night and are already looking forward to On the Border with our besties!!!
Sunday:
High: Mimosas and Muffins at Pegasus
Low: Leonard, the Avis guy. (Leonard did not seem to understand that a 2004 Light Blue Ford Crown Victoria is not actually an upgrade.)
Monday:
High: Tie between Rangers beating the Padres and a Double Double from In n Out Burger!
Low: $0.99 Margaritas*. Actual retail price $33.47
Tuesday:
High: Sitting on a blanket in the right field lawn, eating bad ace hot dogs, and watching the Rangers win in extra innings.
Low: Third degree sunburn from sitting on said lawn.
Wednesday:
High: Dateland, Arizona. Home of the World Famous Date Shake, and the incredibly mediocre cheeseburger.
Low: The three hours of radio time that consisted of only 14 spanish music channels and 1 Jesus Music channel.
Thursday:
High: Breakfast at Richard Walker’s. This place was amazing!!! As I try to explain to you the wonder of this place and the Baked Apple Pancake, I realize I can’t so here’s a picture … Incredible!
Low: No low as yet!
Pyaar and Agape!
* Margaritas are 99 cents with the purchase of a $7.95 entree. (Okay this sounds normal but nothing on the menu is under $9.00, it was 3:00 in the afternoon, they limit you to three margaritas, and the food was terrible)
